Linocutting with new tools

For Christmas and Mothers Day my girls brought me some new linocutting tools. I now have a set of 5 Pfeil tools and they are amazing. Who knew what a difference good tools would make.

This is a photo I took a few years ago of my daughter and grandson and I thought I'd have a go at doing it as a Lino cut print. 

It didn't turn out too badly and I've learnt some lessons along the way for next time.

Original photo reference

Turned into silhouette 

Photo reversed and transferred to Japanese Lino

Cutting started with my new Pfeil tool

Finished Linocut for first print 

I was really happy how things had gone, having spent a quiet day concentrating on the cutting. 

One of the main things I noticed that was that the Pfeil tools are so sharp they didn't keep slipping and skipping off along the Lino. I'll get a sharpening stone to keep them like that. The other benefit is that I now have a V and U shaped tool that's just 1mm and its much easier to get fine lines and details.

First prints

My first print included trees and it was ok, I was happy until I kept looking at it and kept seeing how bad my trees actually were. Theres a definite skill in doing linocut trees and I don't have it, not yet anyway, but I'll persevere and get better. I also realised that my planks of wood looked very much like my water so that would also need changing.

Second prints

I decided to remove the left hand trees altogether and carve away more Lino in an attempt to make my planks of wood look more like wood but in hindsight I probably should have left that part alone because once it's gone it's gone and there's no going back.

I also really need to learn about paper; what paper is best for what job, because I have wasted a LOT of good quality paper in trying to get this one print and its not cheap. 

I've realised that I give up on things too easily and move onto other projects because rather than starting with something simple, when trying to learn a new skill, I tend to jump right in at the deep end thinking 'I can do that'. When it doesn't go quite as planned or look just as I expected I feel like I've failed and become too self critical. I need to work my way up, rather that just plowing in headlong, hoping for the best and setting myself up to fail. I need to learn to enjoy the process. I've only done a few Lino cut pieces and should be really proud of what Ive achieved so far.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, Thyme...

I had a quick walk around the garden yesterday, it doesn't take long as its pretty small, but the first thing you notice is the Thyme growing near the kitchen door. Its in flower at the moment and is so pretty. The plant itself is probably outgrowing its space in the bed but its my most used herb and I love having there, just one step out onto the patio whatever the weather.

It was only taking a quiet stroll around that I realised quite how many different herbs I actually have dotted about.  

The bay used to be in a big pot on the patio, but after a number of years it was suffering badly, so a couple of years ago we planted in the bed next to a large rosemary and it has bounced back and is looking great. The only problem we have with the Bay and rosemary is that they are the end of the garden and whenever we want a leaf or two we have to walk across the grass and that's no fun when its dark, wet and muddy. A path is on our ever growing list of things to do.

Theres mint, but that's mostly growing up through the uneven patio slabs, looking a mess and a new sage plant that's so tiny at the moment that it's hardly deserves a mention, but I have high hopes for it throughout the summer. Coriander has been sown and is currently growing in little pots on the spare bedroom windowsill. 

Thyme

Chives

Parsley

Feverfew

Oregano

Rosemary

Bay

Is this what Alzheimers feels like? A migraine experience.

I had another full on migraine last night and it terrifies me.

It was only 3 months ago that I had the last one and this one happened in exactly the same way as before.

My last migraine started with neck pain, but I didn't realise at the time that this could be a symptom of the onset of a migraine. After nearly 3 months of neck pain I was just starting to finally feel normal, but this morning after the migraine the neck pain is back.

One other thing I noticed yesterday was that throughout the day I felt I needed to pee a lot more than usual, I kept feeling desperate for the loo and began to feel that I may have been getting a urine infection. Looking back to the the migraine in February I had exactly the same thing, I couldn't stop peeing. This and neck pain are something I need to be aware of, as either or both could indicate the onset of a migraine.

Yesterday had been a normal day, I actually felt pretty good. We had a good day working together stripping varnish off a wooden floor by hand and made good progress, hard work but all ready to varnish when we went to bed. I then enjoyed a relaxing bath and had my one drink a week, which consists of a Jack Daniels and a diet Coke. What could be interesting here that it wasn't a caffeine free Coke, making it my only drink this week with caffeine in it.

I sat down for a few minutes before standing up again to prepare dinner and upon standing experienced the pain in my head as before. An intense pain that subsided after a couple of minutes, exactly the same as the last time, but I wouldn't describe it as a thunder clap. The pain wore off and I carried on preparing dinner. 

Around 10 to 20 minutes later the zig zag lines started, at first only affecting the bottom half of my vision, but increasing over time. No headache at this point. The vision disturbances (aura) continued for about 20 minutes, during this time I took a migraine tablet. 

Once my vision cleared and went back to normal the headache started. They say that most people experience migraines on one side of their head but I honestly couldn't tell you where mine radiates from. 

As with each of my previous two migraines that started with the aura I then stated to forget the names of things and people, my recollection had completely gone. I didn't know things that I was looking at, they were no longer recognisable.  Even when my husband told me the names of my dogs, my children and grandchildren they made no sense. I didn't even know his name and had to ask. 

Having now experienced this three times I wondered this morning if that's what it feels like to live with Alzheimer's all the time. Suddenly not knowing what things are, not just forgetting the names of them but seeing them as completely different objects. Not having any recollection of specific everyday things, what they are called or what they are used for. I could read but didn't know what the words meant, my mum is like that. How terrifying must it be to live in that world permanently.

The very first time I had one of these migraines was around five years ago and because I'd never experienced anything like it before I was sent to A&E to check whether or not I had suffered from a mini stroke or TIA, as that time I also had numbness in my face. I remember the nurse I saw telling me that a friend of hers suffered from that type of migraine every time and although awful for her I have to admit it makes me feel slightly better knowing that other people suffer the same symptoms.

Five years ago for the first migraine with aura and memory problems and now two in three months. My last attack lasted for two weeks, with the headaches picking up every afternoon. Fingers crossed that I get over this one much more quickly. I am writing this, with head pain but not debilitating. I'll keep taking pain killers today regardlessly and hope that the afternoon is relatively normal. My main problem is being scared to stand up. 

I have my blood tests in the morning, so hopefully I'll be able to get to the bottom of things and start to learn how to control or at least live with future attacks without being completely freaked out by them. 

What would be really great though would be to hear from anyone else who suffers or suffered from migraines like these, whether linked to peri-menopause, menopause, other hormone related issues or just generally and to hear how they dealt with the attacks.

A portrait painting of Arlo

Last summer during a lull in the lockdowns we got to meet the family at a National Trust for a lovely picnic. It was a beautiful hot sunny day and lovely to get some time with the grandchildren.

Arlo actually decided to stand still and let me take some photos of his beautiful face.

I've had the drawing prepared for weeks but haven't sat down to actually start painting until this week. It was lovely to just take some time out and quietly paint at my new-ish art workspace in the kitchen.

Painting stage completed

Coloured pencils added

Finished painting 

I didn't know what to do with the background at all on this one, whether to leave it plain or include the greens as in the photograph. I'm part of a really helpful Facebook group, Portrait artists UK and asked for peoples opinion. I got some really helpful advice and as the majority said to leave the background plain, so I've decided to do just that for the time being, I can always change my mind at a later date. One piece of advice I received was to leave it plain but to add a toned frame rather than white which I think is a great idea it ever gets framed. 

In May 2020 I did 3 Gouache paintings shown here of my 3 children for a mini lockdown project of my own. I wanted silly faces, not sensible ones and I got some reasonable selfies sent through to work with. It's much harder than you'd think getting people to take a selfie, just head and shoulders, against a plain wall, pulling a face. I intended to carry on and do one of each of the grandchildren as well, to frame as a group at some stage and although this one won't be part of that group, due to the differing style, it has spurred me on to start the next one which I drew out yesterday. 

May update

A whole month has gone by without any change to anything really, a wasted month on the weight loss front for certain, I've definitely gone off the boil, my motivation has waned.

• Weight - more or less the same as last month. 
• Physical wellbeing - Could be better again.
• Mental wellbeing - About the same.

Weight - No weight loss this month, but mostly through lack of trying. My get up and go has got up and gone.

Physical wellbeing - I've had another month of neck pain and headaches. I actually got to see a physiotherapist, following a doctors telephone consultation, with the hope that I would get some sort of treatment or help. But although you can now physically go into the surgery for the appointment they don't do actual hands on treatment, just talk through your symptoms. So I left with some neck exercises and wondering why they didn't just do an online video call. She did however suggest that I arrange for some blood tests to get my hormones checked and I have an appointment for that later this month. 

In February 2020 I received a letter from the NHS for a bowel cancer screening appointment due in April that year. I had no idea that over 55s were invited for this in the first place but was secretly pretty happy that for obvious reasons it was cancelled. However last week I received a home test and did duly send it off. Lucky me, I also received a phone call from the doctors to book an appointment for a smear test which I also went to on Friday. I am now waiting for the results of these two tests, as well as having an appointment for the blood tests. Its going to be an anxious 4 week wait to get all the results in, but at least after that I would have had a pretty good MOT of sorts.

Mental wellbeing - More or less ok, around the same as last month, so that's all good. 

Forget-Me-Nots have a whole new meaning now.

I took this photograph way back in April 2011 as part of a blog post here, when at the time it was just a pretty little flower hidden amongst the greenery. Nowadays though Forget-Me-Nots mean a whole lot more.

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in late 2014 and at the time still led a wonderful life with my dad but was forgetful and starting to get unsteady on her feet. The following year my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and life would never be the same again.

Mum continued to deteriorate at a slow pace but generally life went on as normal, dad coped well and they continued to have a nice time. Once we lost my sister in June 2016 she declined at a faster pace.

People with a general diagnosis of dementia seem to have a steady decline in symptoms, literally like going down a hill, whereas it is noticeable in people with Alzheimer's that they deteriorate in steps, like walking down stairs, they continue on the flat and then suddenly one day they struggle more or lose an ability to do things that they may have been able to do the day before. Events in life can effect people with dementia greatly and losing my sister was a major event for all of us. 

For me, I'd lost someone I absolutely adored and whom I'd looked up to all my life. She was and is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. I am so grateful to have had her in my life and I miss her greatly every single day. I feel so lucky that I got to spend the last few weeks of her life with my sister and to be able to hold her hand at the end. 

I'm not sure that I have truly been able to grieve for my sister as we had to hit the ground running after her death to take on much bigger caring roles for my mum when dad started struggling to cope. I have  moments where I am so angry that she'd left me personally but also left me and my brother to deal with things without her. I'm angry that she hadn't seen a doctor or got treatment earlier, unreasonable anger for sure but its there at times all the same, but mostly on the whole I feel an overwhelming sadness and loss, an emptiness where she once was. I find it difficult to think or talk about her and writing this nearly 5 years later is no easier than it would have been in the weeks following her death. But we go on and get through each day the best we can and some days we don't think about things and life is normal once again. 

Things with mum started to get really hard in 2018, daily phone calls from dad to come over as he couldn't deal with things and we found ourselves having to be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

My lovely, kind and caring mum, who would always say how much she loved me, no longer always knew knew who I was, would get angry at me for being in her home and tell me to get out of her house.  

In 2020 mum was permanently placed into a care home and I've spoken about that here in my letter to my local MP. 

Due to new laws that have come into force, currently two visitors are allowed into the care home to see mum. My dad obviously and my brother go to see her in a designated room, but still have to maintain a 2 meter distance and wear full PPE with masks. 

I chose not to do the internal visits, due to having to wear the masks inside and so currently get to see her for 30 minutes a week in a pod, behind glass with prisoner type microphones. This works better in some ways as at least she is able to see my face, but even then there's not always a spark of recognition. Mums speech has deteriorated quite badly and she speaks so quietly anyway that I spend most of my 30 minutes trying to lip read, but maybe I should be grateful rather than bitter for the 30 minutes a week I am allowed to see my own mother. 

But I made the decision that I don't want to see mum inside until I can see her properly, without a mask and to be able to do the things for her that I promised I would always do when she no longer could. One of the things I promised was that I would always ensure all of the hairs that grew on her chin or upper lip would be plucked out and its a funny thing that seeing she now has a little beard is one of the things that really upsets me about not being able to be with her properly for the last year. 

My beautiful mum would be absolutely devastated and horrified if she ever thought that from a 2 or 3 meter distance, behind a glass wall people would see hairs growing out of her chin. I told her this week that once I got in to see her properly I would be pinning her down and plucking every last stray hair off her face, she laughed merrily and said she would look forward to it. A lovely end to a lovely visit.

Me and Mum October 2016

February 2021 taken by the care home

Going Retro

One of the problems with clearing one cluttered house into another already cluttered house is having an excess of furniture, so it's time for a revamp. 

I'm over the painted furniture look but I'm not a sleek modern person either, so I have fallen for the current popular look of Mid Century Modern, but on a budget. I don't mind spending money on pieces that I want to move with us, if we ever find our final forever house, but because we don't know what that new house will look like its best to wait to invest in special bits until we move.

So out went my amazingly comfy sofa, but not nice colour (well its now stored in the spare room) and in went the 3 meter long leather sofa from the other house. Not as comfortable but its definitely a statement piece of furniture in the room and the room needed to be decorated around it. 

We have a new boiler being fitted this week and the house is in turmoil, but one thing that we did in preparation for the boiler was to change the radiator in the living room from along the main wall, to up the wall and it's made a huge difference. I decided to paint the wall before the radiator went up and I now have a room of two halves.

The main long is now a deep mustard colour, which looks great with the sofa. I also managed to pick up a set of mid century nest of tables for just £10 as they need a bit of TLC, but that's no problem and i'll happily spend a day bringing them back to life at some point. But for now a good clean and antibac wipe down and they look just fine.

But the other half of the room is different, it has a TV sitting on a chest of drawers and it still has a glass fronted cupboard, that after originally stripping and waxing, here, I decided to paint it, here. Obviously I'm now regretting the latter decision as I want to remove the chalk paint and get it back to its original natural wood. Another project for another day as I'm discovering that taking off chalk paint isn't quite as easy as I thought it would be.

I've also got into plants, I've never had plants around the house until the last few months and now I can't get enough of them. They just make everything look more comfortable and homely. My children are now following suit and we are turning into a 1970s family where you'd have to get someone in to water your plants if you ever actually get to go away.

Its not going to be to everyones taste and it has taken a bit of getting used to but I'm growing to like it.